


Uncertainty

by aot_simp



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Some Fluff, Swearing, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29943405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aot_simp/pseuds/aot_simp
Summary: Erwin and Levi grapple with their feelings for one another and their sense of duty. Both of them are indecisive, although Levi is afraid of these newer feelings, so Erwin wants to let him take the lead.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	Uncertainty

Erwin had to admit that as he saw more and more he became significantly less hopeful. Their losses were growing heavier, and Erwin could swear he saw parts of Levi fade away with each death, and felt parts of himself shriveling as well. He kept a record of each of the names of their comrades who did not return; their ages, where they were from, and a description of each of their appearances and personalities. He kept it all in a journal in his desk drawer, needing some tangible proof that they lived, as well as a physical manifestation of his guilt.

More and more he became certain he should not pursue Levi, or anyone for that matter, and tried his hardest to bury those feelings, even though he knew he would always have a special fondness for the raven.

But at the same time he knew they needed each other. Erwin knew he was the only one that Levi trusted enough to go to for comfort. And Levi was the only one who really brought him peace and the only one who could convince him that he was not a monster. Once again, because of Levi, he was not sure what was the right thing to do. He knew Hanji and Mike’s position on the matter, but with each passing day he became less and less sure that was the right thing to do. What would Levi do if he died? He couldn’t let them get closer. It would hurt the raven too much. 

Erwin sighed and stared out the window. What was he going to do with this man? It’s not like he could just talk to Levi about it. 

A soft knock sounded at his door. Who would it be at this hour? Levi usually would not come until later.

“Come in,” Erwin bit back a sigh, maintaining his usual composure. The door opened and the newcomer stepped in.

“It’s me,” came Levi’s tired drawl. Erwin turned around.

“Oh, Levi. It’s good to see you,” the blond greeted the shorter man.

“Good to see you too, eyebrows,” a small hand ruffled blond hair while Levi plopped onto the bed, pulling off his boots and tossing them in the corner. Erwin accepted the gesture of affection and supposed he could just let Levi take the lead on this one. For whatever reason, he felt more at ease about the issue with the raven around, although Levi primarily relied on him for decision making, so it was unlikely anything conclusive would come from letting him lead. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What?” Levi froze while undoing his cravat. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No, no, it’s nothing,” Erwin tried to wave it off.

“It’s not nothing,” Levi snapped. “It never was…” he continued forlornly, covering his face with his hands. 

“Levi…” Erwin started.

“We’re so stupid,” the raven answered flatly. “We really are stupid.” The Commander stared at his subordinate inquisitively.

“What exactly do you mean, Levi?”

“We can’t run from this, whatever the fuck it is,” Levi snapped, gesturing between the two of them. “I don’t know how I feel… what I feel, what this is… I’m scared and I’m sick of it.” 

“What exactly scares you about it?” the blond asked. Levi responded with a sigh and took a minute to think.

“I’ve never felt this way before. I don’t know what exactly I’m feeling. It’s all so weird and everything just seems like its been going to shit since I came above ground.”

“The Survey Corps has always been like this, unfortunately. This is actually an improvement,” Erwin reminded him.

“You’re right, but that doesn’t make it any easier.”

“You’re right. I’m quite nervous about this whole thing myself, especially because of the nature of being in the Survey Corps. That aside, I do not think we should make anything official either way until you are comfortable,” Erwin decided. Getting some information from his subordinate proved to be as helpful as he had hoped. The fact that he was confused about his feelings did leave room for Erwin to guess what they might be, but that was something Levi would have to work through on his own. Levi stared at the floor looking like he was debating if he should stand or not.

“So should I stay..? What are the boundaries?”

“That would be up to you. I am certain of how I feel, so we’ll be moving at your pace,” Erwin explained. Levi flopped so he was now laying on his back and sighed.

“I hate it when you do that,” the raven confessed.

“It wouldn’t be fair for me to make this decision for you.”

“I know,” he groaned. “That doesn’t mean I have to be entirely happy about it.” They sat in silence for a few moments, Erwin staring at Levi, while Levi stared at the ceiling.

“I would ask you how you feel, but I don’t know if I can handle hearing the answer,” Levi murmured.

“Then you don’t have to hear it,” the blond reassured him. Levi hummed a soft thank you before standing up from the bed and undoing his cravat again. Erwin gave him a surprised glance, but did not say anything.

“I’m fucking tired, you planning on going to bed anytime soon?” the raven turned to face Erwin again, undoing straps of his maneuver gear.

“I’m ready when you are,” the blond answered.

“Fucking fantastic,” Levi hummed, unbuttoning his shirt. Erwin merely sat and watched as the raven undressed and changed. 

“Don’t get any ideas,” the shorter man warned with a yawn. 

“I know,” Erwin chuckled, standing up to get ready himself. 

When he came back from the bathroom, Levi was curled up in bed against the wall with only a single candle left lit in the room. His clothes were in a neat pile on Erwin’s desk. The blond put his own clothes away quietly, unsure if his subordinate was awake or not, and climbed into bed after blowing out the last remaining candle. 

Gently, he draped an arm over the shorter man’s waist, curling up around him so they were touching, but just barely. Levi turned his head to look back at him for a moment, but looked away before Erwin had the chance to say anything. He was about to pull away, until Levi pressed closer to him, and took the blond’s hand in his own, placing it over his heart. Erwin hummed and kissed on top of the smaller man’s head, inhaling the scent of his freshly washed raven hair. It didn’t take either of them long to fall asleep. 


End file.
